And, finally, did you see what's new in the Redbox tonight? Some new movie called DRIVER_POWER_STATE_FAILURE. It's been rated 0x0000009F by STOP

Tell me, which of these two departments is more disconcerting to happen upon in a store?

A few remaining pictures in my roll--
A rugged thermos-style wine tumbler for camping. For those looking for harder stuff, a bottle of "SELECT Doe Urine." With "non-threatening curosity appeal!" I am so so glad I'm not the one who selects the doe urine, would not apply do not hire.

A grab bag. You're dredging pretty low in the barrel to base your movie off an evil Jack-In-The-Box. The thing that gets me about land sharks as a concept is: dirt isn't transparent! How would it be able to see where it's swimming/burrowing? The premise is flawed is what I'm saying. It'll never fly. (Because it's a land shark, not a sky shark, duh.)

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The "Girl in the Box trilogy" comes, it seems, from the Lifetime network. The "Legend of the Five" looks to be someone trying to cash in on Harry Potter-style magical teen adventures.

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I'm told Alien Sniper was named "Alien Sniperess" in other territories. Because even our alien snipers must be explicitly gendered.
Easter Bunny Massacre is a fun premise! I especially like the tag line, "This year there won't be a Good Friday."

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It's nearly three in the morning, so why not laugh with me at the movies I saw earlier on the shelf at Walmart?
These first two are from The Asylum. "Planet Dune" reminds me of their version of "John Carter of Mars," where in the fiction both "Mars" and "John Carter" were another planet/person who had just happened to have gotten named that.

Over on Twitter someone tweeted a joke about Taito making "The Lew Zealand Story," and I foolishly immediately opened up Aesprite and made pixel art for it.

I'll leave you with this image. I won't explain it. Just... soak this in. Wallow in it. It is amazing.

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I've shown this before, but my favorite of the lot, so much that I cleaned it up for you, is Nintendo Lex Luthor. He's basically little chibi Gene Hackman. He is my kind son and would never hurt anyone.

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The other characters have been similarly reimagined, and many are drawn in the manual. The only image I could find on-line, of like 12 websites that all got their image from the same source, is badly compressed. For what it's worth, here it is.

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I note that, although they took gigantic liberties with the character, they still gave Superman that little bit of hair that sticks out over his forehead. Here's the Japanese version of the graphic BTW, which is even more adorable.

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All of the characters in the game are drawn in a kind of super-deformed style: big heads and tiny bodies, like toddlers out on the town. In particular this makes Superman look like a baby in pajamas. SO SERIOUS! Do you want your juice box?

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Nintendo Clark Kent, you see, isn't a secret identity so much as a weakened state. Like how bosses in JRPGs have ultra-powerful "true forms," Nintendo Superman is Clark Kent's true form. Clark Kent can still jump high and fight, but can't use Superman's many powers.

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Let's call this character Nintendo Superman. Comics Superman is a nigh invulnerable powerhouse that do practically anything. Nintendo Superman... isn't. He's easily wiped out by street thugs. When he runs low on health, he turns, on the spot, into Clark Kent.

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Here's an interesting fact. The Japanese version of the game uses the music from the 80s Superman movie! And has an opening screen where you (for some reason) name your character! AND they got the license from First Star Software, makers of those Spy vs. Spy games!

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It's weirdness is its saving grace. I have no idea how this managed to survive DC Comics' approval process. A bunch of Japanese developers completely reinterpreted Superman by their own vision and made a game about THAT. It's amazing.

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Not the awful N64 Superman everyone remembers. Not the first game Superman, for the Atari (which isn't actually THAT bad). The Kemco one: the middle bad Superman. It's SO SO weird.

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