the cultural practice of shaving pubic hair is weird as hell tbh

So I'm considering trying to apply machine learning to wine vintages to try and see how close I get to predicting good vintages.

This is how deep down the rabbit hole I'm going.

”Hmm, I see. Then your line of questioning was just another waste of time.” ”Sadly for us, Your Honor, that is the nature of Wright and wrong.”

Nothing quite like getting head in the back of the presidential limo

thank god Melania was in the other car, it would have been *awkward*

Huh… I’m watching the Muppets episode of Carpool Karaoke, and Kermit sounds WRONG.

This is partially due to major anxiety and partially just like having no particular interest in driving at ALL. I legit go to work and come home 98% of the time 😅

On faith and morals one cannot speak honestly for long without hurting feelings. Therefore, most people speak dishonesty of the most important subjects. -- Walter Kaufmann

Aight, Imma go hit this blunt and get blown - I saw some milfs out in the hall tonight, all dressed in white, hot damn- and then I'll drop some knowledge on you yung n's

Going through my usual ritual before tooting by reading the toot aloud and asking if it will spark joy. The answer is yes, and the world is presented with it's fifteenth iteration of "I wear brown underpants incase a little poop comes out when I sneeze" and the timeline is made just a little brighter.

Went whale watching and can confirm whales are 100% amazing

If I break 500 followers tonight, I'll shoot Jared between the eyes

someone get me a handgun

seriously, nobody cares about that asshole

Could someone please make mike pence stop talking to me

Like, send some chippendales to indiana, that should keep him busy for a while

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