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I just love that feeling that I get when I walk into a room and I see an accordion player standing there

I wrote a thing about the election we just had. I won’t complain if you read it and love it so much that you retoot it to all your friends and subscribe. But I also won’t complain if you don’t. I’m nice like that

Ray :verified: boosted

if you’re on mastodon, I can only assume you’re smart and pretty and funny and need a little nose boop

Ray :verified: boosted

So today I was just minding my own business and singing to myself and my six year old walked up and said “Mom, how do you have such a good voice? …. you’re so old” . Tired of having to live with my bully.

Ray :verified: boosted

imagine gettin ur ass completely whooped in a bar fight, and the song that’s playing on the jukebox is karma chameleon

Me (lying on the couch in my pj's with the TV on at 1:30 in the afternoon): Maybe writing a novel just isn't in the cards for me

Thank god for "delete and re-draft" on here is all I've got to say

It has finally dawned on me that, based on his incessant attempts to hump my leg or my arm if we're on the couch together, I am my dog's fuck buddy

In case the massive influx of new users causes this site to become unstable, for the time being I will be posting with a typewriter

Ray :verified: boosted

I overheard someone say that pleated pants are back and I slapped them in the face

My favorite movie scenes are the ones in which a character says, “get me on the next flight to [wherever]” and the other person says, “it’s three thousand dollars,” and the first guy goes, “ah fuck, never mind”

May the odds be ever in your favor I say as I swerve to miss the feral cat trying to make it from one side of the 405 to the other

Ray :verified: boosted

🎵i’m comin out / i want the world to know / i’ve got an extra toe 🎵

What do you mean “The Elements of Style” isn’t about fabric and color choices and the power of unique and creative accessorizing

Ray :verified: boosted

the year is 2031. the city of new york has taken to lowering a giant magic 8-ball on new year’s eve. it has read “outlook not so good” for as long as anyone can remember.

Elon Musk is suffering from what eventually does every guy like him in: idiot/lunatic-level fucking up because he has always been rich enough to surround himself with people who constantly told him he was a genius

Ray :verified: boosted

A nice thing about Mastodon, which i also noticed my first time around, is how once you conquer signing up there's plenty of engagement for new/small accounts

No algorithm to defeat, no need to show off in people's mentions trying to get noticed, you just start posting and in my experience pretty much immediately make some new friends

Pretty neat

Reminder that eggs are chicken menses

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