thinking about some guy i met who was freaking out because “the moon’s been full for two weeks and nobody’s talking about it”

Long day at work I’ve got some shit on my mind I have to get out there 

Novelty mug that says “free refills”
Novelty mug that says “humor me”
Novelty mug that says “say it don’t spray it”
Novelty mug that says “just got here”
Novelty mug that says “antidote”
Novelty mug that says “down the hatch”
1/x

People in LA are always going to their dad’s to give him the healing energies

People in LA are always going to their dad’s to give him the healing energies

ive been called the "citizen kane of posters" because all of my jokes sound like they were written in 1941

my uncle works at monsanto and told me theyre making the watermelons even bigger this year

Buggin’ out by a tribe called quest has legit been going through my head for the last decade non stop. It is the ultimate ear worm

The key to the city to anyone who can help get the mayor’s dandruff under control

Love that peaceful time in the morning when I can just have a cup of coffee, relax, and scroll through all the hog posts from the night before

My uncle once called the ripley’s believe it or not museum “ripley’s believe it or leave” and I’ve been laughing about it for 10 years

Planning on becoming the greatest killer queen player on earth pretty soon so watch out for that

how do i change the notification bloop to the nintendo switch sound?

Watching footage of Ang Lee doing the mocap for Hulk and holy shit. Respect.

Scully cures Skinner of 'scream face'. Mulder accidentally offends a sunday-school teacher by ranting about fake alien abductions.

Post mates just told me that Nick Jonas may be the one to deliver my food. Guess I’m getting take out

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