The federated timeline should just be renamed the hentai timeline

I am young dumb and full of existential dread

Oh dang one follower off the sex number. This is what my therapist meant by setting life goals

In the year 2030 "likes" and "faves" will become the only form of currency. I am building my wealth empire early

Downloading movies from the pirate bay, not to watch them, just for the thrill

Much like the notorious B.I.G I am ready to die

People who try to tell me pickles are cucumbers. Take your conspiracy theories elsewhere

Setting up social media for all my pets, but it is a ruse, my pets have no interest in boosts or faves. It was me all along

Having to explain to grown ass adults why using "Jew" as an insult is terrible. Give me strength please

Boss: you're fired
Me: you can't fire me, what about BOFA?
Boss: these "jokes" are the exact reason you're being fired-
Me: BOTH OF THESE NUTZ hahahaha

Chugging 5 cups of chamomile tea to try and calm down after reading a bad toot

Ella :blobsweats: boosted
Ella :blobsweats: boosted

gender is a scam invented by bathroom companies in the 1960's in order to sell more bathrooms

My feed two weeks ago: "boy I love boosting", "let's all make new friends"
My feed now: "look at this shithead: *screenshot*", "mods are fascists", *some obscure e-celebs arguing*
I tried to warn you, we are our own worst enemy.

I was three hours late to work due to mistakenly boarding the bang bus

The takeaway delivery guy has started saying "see you soon", if I order any more pizza he'll introduce me to his parents

Glad to wake up to some twitter-esque melo-drama apparently

Being told the UK has no demand for cowboys yet it has a shit tonne of cows. What the heck guys

Much like Peter Parker is great at taking photos of Spiderman because he is Spiderman, I am great at taking photos of wildlife because I'm a furry.

Gonna rent a lonely cabin in the woods in the hopes of getting hacked to death by a maniac with an axe. Just need to find a stoner and jock to one with me

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