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How are there so many adult humans on this Earth who don't understand that walking backwards in the grocery store is completely unacceptable?

If I can't get turkey broth *now*, then what the fuck are any of us even doing? This society is over.

They really missed an opportunity by not naming Knuckles Red Sonic and calling the game Sonic 3: R. Sonic and Old Lace

Wandering around trying to catch a Ditto by yelling "Who wants to fuck this weird rabbit?" but all I'm getting are a bunch of poké "fan"s.

All measurements of time are arbitrary and meaningless and your accomplishments will barely outlive your frail body. Eat at Arby's.

What have I done so far this decade? Decayed, mostly.

I think my life would probably be easier if everything I say, do and think weren't irrevocably stupid, but then I look at "smart" people and think that maybe I'm doing alright. What should I *watch* on Disney+ though?

Any time someone is trying to make their dinner table sound classier than it is, just remind them that "glazed carrots" are really just salted caramel carrots, and call them basic.

Just created a mastodon account to reach out to my favourite three people that run ... is that how you do it?

As I'm watching the Japanese season of Queer Eye, I keep thinking that I should get one of those knee-length wool coats, but I'm afraid that everyone will just assume that I'm badly cosplaying shitty anime/sci-fi characters all the time.

Hey @Louisa - we've discussed this many times, and apparently someone made a solution - a chrome extension that skips straight to the recipe portion on cooking blogs without needing to go through their bullshit life story. I just installed it.

Ever think about how a vampire costume without fangs or blood is just "old fashioned formal pale man"? I think I could wear this look year-round.

Guys, did you hear that there's a second gender now?

Trying to find images on the internet of people Disneybounding as the bed from Bedknobs and Broomsticks and I am realizing that YOU ARE ALL COWARDS!

Be warned: stew is just gravy with chunks. DO NOT BE FOOLED!

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