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If Facebook is ever going to tempt me back to using it for anything other than event planning, they're going to have to post something on their login page titled "How to Not Make Every Fucking Comment Section About You".

(Thread) I’m trying to buy a piece of art equipment before it goes off sale so who’s looking to buy some original artwork? Everything under $100.

This piece is $70 + shipping and measures 11x17”

If you have more than 0 posts on a social media site about how you're going to quit/take a break from that site you're too boring for social media.

Cell phones make it possible to call family and friends and conduct your business from anywhere, even when you're out in public! But you ABSOLUTELY SHOULDN'T!! You monster.

Hey, if you're feeling like it would be cool to tweet a heinously gross picture of a blood clot with no warning maybe you're wrong and your feelings are wrong and you're a peice of shit.

I ordered so much goddamn sushi that the fucking coast guard is gonna raid my hotel room.

Dear notification telling me that it's time to check in for my flight home,

I want to have your babies.

Love forever,

Trapped fixing stupid IT problems in this warehouse I missed my chance at eating breakfast *and* lunch. I'll just be here seeing everyone around me as giant roast Turkey legs like I'm Daffy Fucking Duck, don't mind me.

Opening night for my play tonight, boost to help me remember my lines, fav to prevent me from projectile vomiting onto the audience

folks that dont put the list of ingredients at the top of thier pinterest recipe get the wall first

There's one episode of Gilmore Girls where Paris loses all her money and becomes instantly violently communist and advocates the overthrow of all society and I finally found my favorite character on this show.

Turns out A&W stands for "Aww shit these sweet potato fries suck!"

Turns out A&W stands for "Aww shit these sweet potato fries suck!"

But hey, at least this'll finally be the end of people using the objectively bad name Donald*.

*Ducks exempt from this policy.

What's up, McDonald's poutine? It's ok, i'm pretty shitty too.

I broke my rule of not buying anything for myself between Thanksgiving and Christmas to pre-order Super Smash Brothers because I'm having a *terrible week* and I deserve to look forward to something other than my impending death.

I think probably the most important thing in life I drinking enough water. Either that or making decisions in alignment with your understanding of the moral and ethical imperative.

Waitress in this sports bar flipping through channels on the giant sports TV from one basketball game to an indistinguishable basketball game, pausing longingly on The Beverly Hillbillies Movie: I just want to say I feel your pain, but aim higher.

Hmm, I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out to run parallel processes in C++ without them interrupting one another, you know what will probably help is drinking lots of rum.

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Generalistic and moderated instance.