Com-Matt-nist Labor Leader @mattherron@mastodon.cloud

Brassiere and brasserie are both french words, so don't tell me that Franch doesn't suck and want to make their language hard!

But seriously bad boys, what *are* you gonna do?

Jen and I have learned that @Louisa 's spice cookies are the ULTIMATE TEA COOKIES and her biscotti are the ULTIMATE COFFEE COOKIES. Now we will die of thirst whenever we don't have these cookies.

The current mastodon trend of talking about how great you think you are is really at odds with my deeply held belief that I'm a disgusting trash monster, y'all.

Has anyone else noticed that ever since we made Pluto stop being a planet, our world is suddenly under siege by plutocrats? I think not! This is all well-deserved revenge for us taking their planet from them!

So it turns out that when they give the writing advice "kill your darlings" they don't mean it literally. Looks like someone needs some advice on how to write clear instructions! 😁 Also now I'm in jail forever or whatever.

Remember when we all thought Kingdom Hearts 3 might be good? What a bunch of fuckin' assholes we were.

Is my scalp sunburn beginning to flake off, or am I starting to slowly dissolve from the top down? Either way I'm taking it as a big win on the day.

Bachelor party shenanigans! I'm the Groomlin now thanks to @Louisa !

@tessaracked Happy birthday!

Ran into @jeff playing the trombone at a garden party!

HBO is vastly overestimating the appeal of a show whose premise appears to be "drug addicted queer teens being sad".

A remake of E.T. where he covers everything with glitter and rhinestones and screams at Elliot in a crowded Applebees about his burgeoning modeling career.

That thing you always did because you thought it was nice and made people feel better has actually always been annoying and everyone finds you exhausting: the Matt Herron story.

I should probably see a doctor about the intermittent hysterical blindness I sometimes have, but honestly paying for treatment would only make me more stressed. In case anyone out there was wondering what life under non-socialized healthcare is like, it's pretty bad.

Posting the This Is Fine meme first ironically and then sincerely as I walk into the sea to end my sorrows.

If you have a menu item called Red White and Blue Cheesecake and it doesn't taste like blue cheese, I hereby sue you for false advertising.

Both shoes came untied while my hands were full and I was climbing the stairs, so I guess I'm dead now.

Looking online for famous quotes to put in a work presentation really hammers home how many people don't know the difference between a quote and just some dumb shit they made up.