Taco Bell has flautas now, but they are calling them rolled chicken tacos because white people are easily terrified.

Dear Santa,

If anyone sends you their "grown-up Christmas list", they are probably trying to trick you into sex stuff. What you should give them is the courage to embrace their kink.

Hey listen, if you give a mouse a cookie, you're the one who fucked up, don't blame the mouse for your failures.

Is there a word for when you're about to do something that'll be a lot of effort and almost definitely won't be worth it? Because if there's not, may I suggest "Matting"?

How are there so many adult humans on this Earth who don't understand that walking backwards in the grocery store is completely unacceptable?

If I can't get turkey broth *now*, then what the fuck are any of us even doing? This society is over.

They really missed an opportunity by not naming Knuckles Red Sonic and calling the game Sonic 3: R. Sonic and Old Lace

Wandering around trying to catch a Ditto by yelling "Who wants to fuck this weird rabbit?" but all I'm getting are a bunch of poké "fan"s.

All measurements of time are arbitrary and meaningless and your accomplishments will barely outlive your frail body. Eat at Arby's.

I think my life would probably be easier if everything I say, do and think weren't irrevocably stupid, but then I look at "smart" people and think that maybe I'm doing alright.

Any time someone is trying to make their dinner table sound classier than it is, just remind them that "glazed carrots" are really just salted caramel carrots, and call them basic.

Just created a mastodon account to reach out to my favourite three people that run ... is that how you do it?

As I'm watching the Japanese season of Queer Eye, I keep thinking that I should get one of those knee-length wool coats, but I'm afraid that everyone will just assume that I'm badly cosplaying shitty anime/sci-fi characters all the time.

Hey @Louisa - we've discussed this many times, and apparently someone made a solution - a chrome extension that skips straight to the recipe portion on cooking blogs without needing to go through their bullshit life story. I just installed it.

chrome.google.com/webstore/det

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