Quarantine Angel @mattherron@mastodon.cloud

I literally just now realized that Amazing Race is a pun on Amazing Grace and I'm mad about that show all over again.

Jack isn't even shorter than John wtf

They keep showing Trump ads during Jeopardy like don't they know this show is for smart people?

Thinking today about how, after they are voted out, certain politicians will have to have 24/7 bodyguards to prevent people from slapping them every time they are seen in public, and I love that.

Honestly feel bad for apples right now - apples are already pretty hard to sell as a snack, and now you gotta deal with how everyone associates then with the fucking shitty cops. Apples deserve better! 🍎

I'm glad we all found a term for shithead conservatives that is only offensive to Humanoid Underground Dwellers, and even then only those who are Cannibalistic. Good job, internet!

Thinking about how it's pretty fucked up that "skinny" people actually have *less* skin.

Hey, I know I almost never post serious stuff on this site, but I just donated to the Minnesota Freedom Fund and you should too if you think that people of color should not be unjustly persecuted for wanting to be alive. https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/donate

Time theft is theft, and is probably the easiest way to recoup the money stolen from your productivity through wage theft, so don't work too hard it there you guys.

Just had the thought "I guess a stand mixer is like the Dremel rotary tool of the kitchen" and almost passed out from achieving peak Matt-ness.

When we say "Don't @ me" we all really mean "Don't disagree with me", right? Like, if you think I'm right, you can @ me all day!

Constantly bummed out that so many people can't tell the difference between "I like this thing" and "This thing is good". Specifically, I am talking mostly here about cheesecake. Don't @ me.

Have we all reached the "Texting someone you live with because you can't be bothered to go downstairs" level of quarantine yet, or am I just an early adopter?

The two types of sex scenes in modern fiction:

1) Look at these smoking hot inhuman fuck dolls, doesn't seeing their weird hairless muscle sacks slap together make you horny as hell?!?

2) Look at these disgusting pigs, isn't it incredibly depressing to see them acting like mindless animals? Feel bad for having ever been horny!

I know I'm not gonna make any friends with this statement, but: Aeris is a much better name than Aerith.

Story of the new Penny Dreadful: What if society had an evolving and complex relationship with race, religion and death?

Story of old Penny Dreadful: What if the wolfman fucked?

I just started a new twitch series called Game or Pass where I play through Xbox Game Pass games and see which ones are worth playing and which you should pass on. Check out my first episode where I start A Plague Tale: Innocence.

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/606655392

Sooner or later every TTRPG I've ever run/played in reaches a point I will call "Complicated Bullshit"

Laughing internally at the absolute fuckwits who forget that all you need to stay healthy is an apple a day. People are just walking right past a whole bun of apples. You fools! 🍎