Pointed Witch's Matt @mattherron@mastodon.cloud

Look, we all know this, but I need to put it in writing just in case anyone is unaware.

Werewolves love rockabilly
Frantensteins love heavy metal
Draculas love emo
Gill mans love surf rock
Mummies love ska

No one disputes this, it is established fact.

The best part of the Monster Mash is the part where he wants to make sure you know that Dracula doesn't still have beef because he joined the band. I just imagine Bobby Pickett worrying that his fans would be wracked with worry over Drac's resentment about the Transylvania Twist.

I want to see a music video where the singer begins dancing wildly and the camera cuts around to show how wild things are, except then the singer doesn't stop after the instrumental is over and begins bleeding from the mouth and eyes and in the background of the shots you see the faces of all they have wronged staring expressionless at them and then they die and the devil comes in to take their cursed shoes to punish someone else.

Does anyone know if there's a video like that out there already?

The alternate joke was:

Hey,
Hey,
Whaddaya say?
I'm a nasty boy clown whom the angels named Jay.

Did I make the right call? Only history can judge me.

Hey,
Hey,
Whaddaya say?
I'm a nasty boy clown whom they call Violent Jay!

-My guess at how ICP songs sound

Listen Millenials, we're working universal healthcare, but in the meantime if you are going to get hurt *please* remember to film it and put it on YouTube for us to laugh at. Otherwise, when no one contributes to your medical bill GoFundMe you really only have yourself to blame.

"More like Doctor Jerk-yll and Mr. Hyde!" - someone who mixes up names a lot

We're all 100% not on board with calling it Ukrainegate, right? Because that name fuckin' sucks dick.

The Righteous Gemstones is a very funny show (in the usual Danny McBride style) but damm do they show a lot of dicks! So many dicks!

If you post one of those "These are my views, and if you don't like 'em there's the door" posts, you're not allowed to seek out people you're no longer friends with and ask them why. The whole reason I unfriended you was because it wasn't worth telling you to your face that I think you're probably racist!

Woah, weird, my phone just hatched like an egg, and inside was a message that said "Congrats on making the most difficult-to-understand joke on the internet".

I'm glad that after years of running that dumbass chocolate factory, Charlie finally realized what he needed to make was a toy version of himself that spits plastic balls at toddlers.

Look, I know you probably wouldn't win, but if you went on Great British Bake Off and insisted in making erotic cakes every week, you'd definitely be remembered, and isn't that the greatest victory?

I think the weirdest thing about inventing time travel would be all the weird shit you sent back in time to yourself showing up the morning before your breakthrough.

People always say they fuck "like an animal", but most animals look very nonplussed when they fuck. Seems like a bad metaphor.

This is the most @jk shit I've ever seen.

Nerf Protection Case for Nintendo Switch https://t.co/bI7t1nhBGa

So brainless conservative trolls have taken over talk radio because their audience are all olds who don't know how to download podcasts, right?

Netflix: who is in charge of naming your series and how can we get them to stop?

Watching Boomers unironically taking pictures of the Met Camp exhibit on their iPads, not aware that they are a part of the exhibit for me and everyone here under 50.