Visiting the largest Tiffany stained glass object in the world today, nbd.

Made a unicorn birthday cake for a 94 year old woman today, how's your new year going?

Happy New year's from me and my new bride, you party animals!

Merry Christmas you wonderful old Savings and Loans!

I forgot that Mrs. Claus has a full on psychedelic freakout in the middle of Santa Claus is Coming to Town. The seventies were a hell of a drug...

"Face unafraid the plans that we made" is the ultimate weird flex.

This is what my friends decided about me at tonight's game night. I do like nuts!

This Christmas, set up your nativity scene with Jesus, Mary and Joseph celebrating Hanukkah to make those "war on Christmas" fucks' heads explode.

Taco Bell has flautas now, but they are calling them rolled chicken tacos because white people are easily terrified.

Dear Santa,

If anyone sends you their "grown-up Christmas list", they are probably trying to trick you into sex stuff. What you should give them is the courage to embrace their kink.

Hey listen, if you give a mouse a cookie, you're the one who fucked up, don't blame the mouse for your failures.

Is there a word for when you're about to do something that'll be a lot of effort and almost definitely won't be worth it? Because if there's not, may I suggest "Matting"?

How are there so many adult humans on this Earth who don't understand that walking backwards in the grocery store is completely unacceptable?

If I can't get turkey broth *now*, then what the fuck are any of us even doing? This society is over.

They really missed an opportunity by not naming Knuckles Red Sonic and calling the game Sonic 3: R. Sonic and Old Lace

Wandering around trying to catch a Ditto by yelling "Who wants to fuck this weird rabbit?" but all I'm getting are a bunch of poké "fan"s.

All measurements of time are arbitrary and meaningless and your accomplishments will barely outlive your frail body. Eat at Arby's.

What have I done so far this decade? Decayed, mostly.

I think my life would probably be easier if everything I say, do and think weren't irrevocably stupid, but then I look at "smart" people and think that maybe I'm doing alright.

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Generalistic and moderated instance.