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"I've never sneezed. Not once in my entire life. Like. . . Is everybody just messing with me? Because it's not funny. Guys. . . is sneezing real?"

--President Obama's 2008 inagrial addresses

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Reposting my #introduction under a CW so it takes less apace Show more

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just posting this again because i want to make sure everyone knows. a good amount of people i interact with have moved too so check for them and anyone who doesn't seem active anymore!

*logs on to mastodon*
*looks around*
*logs off of mastodon*

hello welcome to footlocker, would you like a locker or a foot?

kirby inhaling the king and absorbing his powers, becoming the de facto ruler of all the lands of the realm

drugs Show more

show me one baby that's good at minecraft. you can't because it doesn't exist. if a baby even tried playing minecraft i would grief their base and steal all their diamonds. Trust me.

i guess a dad going insane is kinda a joke

[peers over the fence into mastodon.social like Wilson from Home Improvement]
Trouble in paradise, neighbor?

Thinking about licking a sugar bowl to get that luxury White Chocolate experience at home

@jacethechicken but at least white chocolate dosnt present itself as good chocolate until you take a bite and it fills your mouth with toothpaste

relatable, the king who tells me to post these looks just like that

@comradetaylorswift *scissors are visibly straining me to hold, crushing me under their weight* s-sounds good to me!!

would you fav and boost more often if i carried around a knife or pair or scissors while i said stupid shit? sound off in the comments below!

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