i like the new sleaford mods track and the video but it seems like they didn't even bother to sync the video with the lyrics??

real beautiful effortless baseball swing hours who up?

un-shu oranges, painted by deborah griscom passmore, 1907

hey there just a massive hearty fuck you to the sound person at the substation in newport tonight who has mixed ambient electronica to incredibly sadistic pain levels good job asshole i hope you go as deaf as you’re making me

whiteboys: *plays guitar*

strong, communist enbies: *annihilates on the Baroque Theorbo*

*thinks of that place in SF with the jalapeno jelly, tries to find it in google maps* shit it's gone *googles "jalapeno jelly san francisco"* oh no dottie's is gone!! *looks at address* ah it's just moved!

folks i'm on a freakin emotional roller coaster here

hey if youre making a video game and you put a waterfall in there and you don't put anything hidden behind it?

you fucked up

So in 2007 I was in the bleachers at Wrigley, keeping score with a Cubs pencil and sitting behind these awful drunk middle-aged bros, one of whom kept "accidentally" leaning into my knees. By the 7th inning I'd had it and stuck my very sharp pencil between my knees. When he leaned back and took a pencil to the shoulder, he looked back at me and said, "OWWW," and I said, "you've been leaning on me the whole fuckin game man, shut your mouth, turn around, and learn some fuckin manners"

I went to the Kris Bryant Game in Cincinnati in 2016 and I screamed at a man who would not shut the fuck up, and he pointed to his "Desert Storm veteran" hat and told me that he deserved to scream at the Reds 3b coach because he served his country, and I told him to shut the fuck up, and he did, and you can hear this exchange on the tv broadcast

There are a lot of brands whose existence I find mystifying, but none more than "Untuckit"

sorry guys "cancelling" is cancelled. were using "norted" now

Kyle just sneezed and I said "bless you" and looked over to see if he was going to sneeze again, and he took a long breath and said, "hamberders"

anyway for the next week or so i have to pretend i’m going to see them in Sydney and then pull out at the last minute, which is hilarious.

any suggestions on the fake excuse i should use? sickness? injury? religious epiphany?

@crumbleneedy so i’ve almost certainly seen them for the last time, but i was never close to my step-father (a lifelong republican, climate change denialist, racist, scrooge, and notorious fussbudget), so that suits me just fine - though i am slightly sad because despite all that i do have a sliver of affection for him (he made my mom, who died a few years ago, pretty happy for 30 years). but fuck me he’s a pain in the ass

not only was i facing the prospect of spending two more days with my 80-yo stepfather and his septuagenarian girlfriend but i accidentally booked my flight for friday morning instead of evening, which would have meant losing a day’s pay and having to find something to do all day that would keep me out of their way - but my wife (who went above and beyond in entertaining them) very sensibly said ‘you’re going to be too sick to travel that day’

this fall, set phasers to…fun! it's time for star trek captain babies! starfleet has never been so adorable!

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Generalistic and moderated instance.