JUDGE: Ms. Daniels, you said Trump "nutted like a leaky bag of icy cubes" and he made a sound "like one of the Elites from Halo 1 getting blown up by a plasma grenade" upon climax. do you stand by these claims?
DANIELS: yes

Elon Musk involved in another dust-up with the announcement of his latest venture described only as "Uber, but for incest"

“heh. this generation in a freakin nutshell,” i declare suddenly after 15 minutes of silence. im not even looking at anything. no one knows what im talking about. im a horrible dumbass

boost to remind Kavanaugh that Alien v Predator is settled law

the funniest thing to happen in 2018 is a bunch of diuretic-riddled 60-year-old guys who get winded getting up off the toilet too fast pretending to boycott an athletic sportswear brand. im in heaven and hell at the same time

boomers love making fun of lyrics in today's music even though the #1 song when they were born was about going to the drive-in and buying your girl a root beer float or some shit

neutral breast milk hotel. have we done this one yet. is this new. j esus christ please just let me have this

According to historian user gay4nintendo, Kirby tried to swallow a submarine, an event that cost the US military 1 billion dollars.

when you’re trying to dunk on someone’s avi selfie but youre running out of material

you: the bofa and .social schism is the curse of modern civilization writ large, the microcosm of a world careening so fast into death it is already haunted by itself
me: *entering t-pose and levitating upwards at a high rate of speed until i noclip out of the level*

i want a Home Alone rematch. give the burglars another shot. no movie magic BS this time just 1 defenseless child vs 2 thugs. i deserve this

furiously summoning the mods because someone orange ya glad i didn't say bananad me

when startled, todd's hog unfurls and honks like one of those noisemakers you blow into on new years eve

if you say to someone "quit horsing around" while in the presence of a horse, youre basically saying to the horse "the dumb shit this guy is doing is what i think you do all the time. youre a fucking joke to me"

Externally: babey dont leave me dont break up with me babey
Internally: visualizing 6 different shapes rotating in space.

insane that christmas and 9/11 fall on the same day this year

Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Fucking

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