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Speed walkers look like they're constantly auditioning for a diarrhea commercial.

For my birthday, the love of my life gave me the best gift in the entire world, the promise of his hand.
(Yes. Yes, I did just make a marriage/amputee joke in my engagement announcement. What?)
I love you so much @jamiegray

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

One day you will die, but every other day you won't.
So that's pretty great, right?

Inspirational posts are hard.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
It wasn't.
Because numbers aren't sentient, and can't feel fear.

If you are wanting some extra cash, and are great a Trivia, download HQ Trivia from the Apple App store, or Google Play store. Use the code NaveenAlexandra when you sign up. Tonight's prize is $10,000 USD and the game starts at 9 p.m. ET
So, what are you waiting for?

I tried exercise but I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.

Side note: Being "educated" does not necessarily mean "intelligent".

I appreciate the transparency Domino's pizza tracker provides, but updates like "Carl dropped your pizza" & "5 second rule" are a bit much.

How do you tell if you've lost an argument on Facebook?
Well, first you're in an argument on Facebook.

Saw a hitchhiker holding a sign saying, "โ€˜Anywhere But Here". So I swerved and hit him. Now he's in a ditch. Hope that's okay.... he wasn't really specific.

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Generalistic and moderated instance.