When the Spice Girls chose their Spicy alter-ego nicknames, the girl with the biggest boobs should have chosen to go by Spice Rack.
Who's the funniest droid in the Star Wars universe?
Omg. Guys. My photo is the headline photo for the article.
I make apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow.
Have you heard about the new movie called Constipation? It hasn't come out yet.
There are two types of people in the world.
People who help me hide the body, and people who are the body.
It's amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
Me: Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name and it feels like home.
Priest: I don't believe that is an actual prayer...
Me: No, but it's like a prayer.
Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
I just bought my son's water shoes for his upcoming 5 day school trip with the money I made answering surveys. I love buying things with money I get for answering stupid bullshit questions like 'Do you like this commercial?' Seriously.
You can do it too.
Here's my referral code:
OMG. I found a survey site that pays you to do stupid simple surveys guys.
I've made an extra $75 in the past 3 days!!
If you go sign up, when you send your first payment to PayPal, you'll get a bonus .50 and I'll get a bonus .50!
So go do it! Make some extra $$$$$$
Oh, and #BOOST the fuck out of this post, because damn we could all use some extra $$$$$ amirite?
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
Before McDonald's, I bet "don't buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
Eat like no one is watching.
The ONLY viable marketing response to "Doritos, For Her" is for their competitor to make "Pringles, For Him," which are normal Pringles with an attachment to turn the can into a fleshlight. :-P
I'm really surprised I haven't seen anybody talking about what concert the sportsball players will be playing at this weekend.
I'd hate to be all, but there would be 6 weeks of winter no matter what, BUT today is the literal halfway point of winter, which is 3 months long, or 12 weeks. So, no matter what that little furry fuck sees, today is the literal halfway point. There are literally 6 more weeks of winter from this point until spring. #GroundhogDay