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fuck "jokes". everything i toot is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. Mastodon dot social. i live for this

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[WATCH] Jade Helm believers react to: UN intervention against lynching instead of whatever dumb bullshit they expected

The dicksucking factory sent out a missive yesterday saying it unequivocally supports the riots and has no problem with its windows being broken. I'm so proud to work there.

Dicksucking factory is preparing to reopen under social distancing guidelines, but I'm not sure if that's smart.

If you ruin something I like with one letter changed I will throw acid in your face.

Bro i fuckin hate when mommy makes me get a haircut. It pisses me off so bad.

Getting my keys to my tesla cybertruck stolen as I do the high hopes dance on the joker stairs.

I finish the police sketch of the thief I have drawn and hand it to their victim. It is a careful drawing of an anime mouse girl with huge naturals.

Tried to organize my coworkers at the dicksucking factory by relating to them with non pc jokes, but it backfired and they got really mad at me. Henry hill king of the hill? Henry hill hank hill same?

Baseball is math. Basketball is art. Gridiron Football is science. Hockey is social studies. Actual footballs are language.

It's so fucking cool when the teacher says it's ok to goof off and have recess instead of doing work.

Oh you say you're a 90s kids, but check out this deep cut: Do you have an irrational hatred for professional motocross racer Ricky Carmichael and an equal love for his rival Travis pastrana????

The dicksucking factory is an essential business. Sorry I did this one so late everyone. I know you expect better from me.

I love owning a big destructive dog who is a nevertheless a wonderful companion and ironically naming them after some historical genius like einstein or Isaac newton.

I love adopting an adorable monkey whose natural tendency to investigate interesting things gets us into all sorts of hijinks.

Taking a big dildo and sticking it inside a fleshlight at the 1939 world's fair and amazing the crowds.

Joey Ramone: Reagan sucks. Wtf I'm gonna write a song about this dumbass.
Johnny: Ok, but can we not say his name? I'm from a military family and I'd like to show some respect for the office of the presidency.
Joey: Ok. In the song then, I will call him… bonzo.
Johnny: Ok

Making my kochbucks kiss my sorosbucks as I sit on my ass, safe from Rona, watching the news on tv.

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