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fuck "jokes". everything i toot is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. Mastodon dot social. i live for this

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My beautiful genius two yr old lumpty accidentally heard the song w*t *ss p*ssy and he is now screaming impossible noises of terror from an unseen dimension and breathing fire. I hope you're happy, cardi b and Megan "thee" stallion.

Walked up to dude on the street to ask him what time his watch said. He started singing "does anybody really know what time it is? Dies anybody really care?" Bitch, yes. I care. You know what time it is. Tell me what time it is, bitch.

I am a proud veteran and nothing anyone one on this Facebook page says will ever change that.

Fuckin hate when I am a crying child who gets trapped in a goddamn painting by some Italian fucko.

The movie boogie nights is about a bunch of cool people who make pornography.

Jimi Hendrix played the star spangled banner at Woodstock because he loved amerika and wanted to honor the troops.

Fired from nba talk show for saying "the player who scores the most points is the best one."

The movie "2001: A Space Odyssey" is about a bunch of guys doing cool things in space.

Excited to do a joke whenever the rapper future retires or dies that goes "[however many] years ago, we had future, logic, and juice wrld. Now we have no juice, no future, and no logic."

This summer… to fight cancel culture… one man must dare to do the unthinkable… he must cancel himself.

The killers: I got soul.
Me: Ok cool me too
The killers: But I'm not a soldier
Me: Yeah me neither
The killers:

Videogames I've beaten: Minesweeper, snake, solitaire, the helicopter game, cuberunner.

If I had steady hand control, I would simply become the world's best brain surgeon.

"Born in the U.S.A." by Bruce Springsteen is a song about how cool it is to be American.

Google.com the bachelor short google.com has there ever been a short the bachelor google.com bachelor not tall

The thing about fruit is: It's either dicks, pussies, asses, or titties. Welcome to my ted talk.

Run-DMC singing my bologna the Oscar mayer jingle to the tune of my Adidas.

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