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fuck "jokes". everything i toot is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. Mastodon dot social. i live for this

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I hate when there's a fucked up ugly clone of me flying around pretending he's me trying to do shit that I would do and fucking everything up.

I am the king of Britain now. You are all my subjects and you will do as I say.

Cooking up some delicious fentanyl candy to hand out to kids in my cop heavy neighborhood this Halloween. Gonna make it extra tasty and fun for them and their parents!

Steve harvey: name a body part you want in your butthole.
Me, breathing on the mic way too close: uh... another butthole Steve.
Steve harvey: what

Big news everyone: the low hanging fruit I grabbed is being featured in the echo chamber tonight! Hopefully all the prisoners looking at the shadows on the cave wall like the fruit better this time!

If one of my soldiers ever gave me agita I would simply consult the other caporegimes and finally the boss and then I would dispatch with a solution.

In line to see my queen I am to give her a big kiss right on the lips I love her so much everyone need to know I am sad she is dead

Queen Elizabeth II's last words before I killed her with my thoughts: I fucked and sucked more than you can imagine. I smoked more fools than minutes in a day. The devil is afraid of me. Time for me say goodbye. Free mumia.

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If I was to be a gunman in the old west with some tabacky and a good ol trusty Smith and Wesson I would never chose to varnish my opinion

Don't bother burning my toenail clippings to protect myself from hexes from enemies. If you can find that shit in my trash you earned it bud

Paulie: ey youse guys ever seen the broads they got in some of those animes?
Tony: oh!
Silvio: Marrone!
Chrissy: yeah Paulie what about it?
Paulie: alls I'm saying is they got some bazookas awooga *makes big tits gesture*

predator rings 

Ken starr is one dark motherfucker. An entire career of covering up sexual abuse on absurd scales, except for when he got Clinton exposed not for his actual crimes, but for a simple affair and almost destroyed the country over it. And he continues today.

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